


Whatever may come, your heart I will choose.

by Sosayweall777



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Menopause, berena trash, i am ignoring any other possibility than them ended up happily ever after, my babies love each other and that’s that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 06:58:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16635101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sosayweall777/pseuds/Sosayweall777
Summary: Serena is going through the *change* and is afraid Bernie no longer wants her. Will Bernie be able to change her mind? Basically *fluff and smut* and that’s it.





	Whatever may come, your heart I will choose.

Menopause. 

Serena logically knew she was the right age for it, knew her mother had went through this around the same age, knew,as a doctor, the signs. Logically. 

She knew all of this but that did nothing to quell the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. 

She didn’t even want more children, she thought hysterically. 

But somehow now that her body did not even have the option made her feel, well, old. More than that, she felt...she wasn’t sure. 

Unsexy?

Undesirable? 

The worst part was what was seemingly happening with her relationship. She wasn’t sure exactly but it seemed as if she and Bernie had been like rabbits and suddenly she started menopause and Bernie didn’t touch her.

She wanted to scream. She wasn’t sexless or dead from the waist down thank you very much! 

So the conclusion was she must have changed somehow. She was no longer sexy to Bernie.   
The idea made her feel irrational. Bernie had never made her feel anything but wanted. But now...maybe now things were different? 

Serena sighed and ran her hand through hair. She still looked decently especially at her age. Serena had never had trouble attracting whomever she wanted. But right now she wanted Bernie Wolfe and right now, that is exactly who she was not getting. She sighed again as she looked at the clock. She needed to go to work, not ruminate on her love life or lack thereof. 

When she arrived at work the ward was quiet. She made her way up to AAU with coffee in hand. Bernie was already there, having started an earlier shift that morning so she had grabbed her usual as well. Normally Serena would be looking forward to seeing Bernie, especially when they had been on opposing shifts a lot this past week.   
But this morning she was terrified.   
After this mornings conclusions, she didn’t want to look in Bernie’s eyes and see nothing. What if she did? What did that mean? 

Suddenly a plan popped into her mind. Serena was a science minded woman at heart. She loved hypothesis and theory and research. So Serena decided she was going to test the waters a little bit with her own experiment. An experiment of a different kind than the ones back at Uni. An experiment of the body. 

When Serena opened the door to their office she saw Bernie pouring over a chart, a quizzical look on her face. Serena’s breath caught in her throat at how beautiful she was. Her soft curls fell just at her shoulders, her pretty lips were being worried between her teeth and her soft chocolate eyes were squinting at the chart in front of her. Bernie. Her Bernie. 

“Good morning my darling.” Serena said warmly as she made her way over and perched herself on the side of Bernie’s desk. She stared once more at her golden hair and her slim frame and her heart lurched with how much she loved her. 

Okay Campbell she thought quickly. Action time. 

Bernie looked up and smiled softly. 

“Good morning you. I’ve been waiting for you to get here. I might need some help with a tricky surgery today and I could use the country’s best vascular surgeon on my team” she said with a wink. 

“Mmm. I think that could be arranged” Serena said. She was quietly pleased. This easy banter and graciousness was one of her favorite qualities about the blonde trauma surgeon. 

“I didn’t get to give you a good morning kiss this morning” she added quietly, leaning towards Bernie. 

Bernie grinned again and kissed her softly. “I don’t think you did” 

Serena tried to push deeper and Bernie sank into it for what seemed like a millisecond, letting out a tiny moan. Serena’s hand landed on Bernie’s jaw as she felt Bernie’s fingers come to fist her hair. and her heart lifted. Yes, this is what she wanted. Serena smiled, letting herself think maybe this morning was just mental poppycock.   
But suddenly she felt the jerk back and her lips were no longer being ghosted over with warm breath. 

“Sorry!” Bernie said abruptly and quickly stood up. 

She looked at Serena apologetically and left the room looking flustered. 

Serena leaned back in her chair and huffed. 

What was that about? she wondered, hurt. 

The cruel little voice in the back of her head said she knew. 

Bernie didn’t want to go too far with her. 

Bernie didn’t desire her. 

But then why had she kissed her the way she had? 

Perhaps she had forgotten herself and just used Serena as a vehicle for whatever she was feeling but wasn’t getting? 

Serena let out a groan of frustration and realized her vision had clouded. She wiped a few tears and shook herself. Bernie still loved her. Maybe she didn’t desire her, but maybe that could be enough. 

After that the day seemed to take forever. Even Raf’s jokes couldn’t cheer her. He looked at her sympathetically but she waved him away with fibs about a headache. 

An eternity later it was time to go home. Bernie had went home without her, having drove separately and had texted she would have dinner ready. 

Serena softened slightly. Bernie was good to her. 

Yes of course she would miss the physical aspect of their relationship but perhaps she could live with this, the new normal. Maybe Bernie and she would love each other, just differently. Serena mourned this loss but she wasn’t sure she could do much to change it. 

She drove home and tried not to think about it too much but her head felt heavy and her heart felt like concrete. When she arrived at home Bernie had dinner waiting as promised. It was a quiet affair as Jason was away at a Dr Who convention that weekend and Serena wasn’t sure how much she could say. After, when Serena was clearing up, Bernie suggested they catch up on the latest episode that they hadn’t watched of that new lesbian documentary.   
Serena had nodded and Bernie had went to prepare.   
She had cuddled up on the couch and had the blanket open and waiting when Serena had finished putting the dishes in the dishwasher. 

As she snuggled into Bernie’s side, she sighed in contentment. This was real love. It was okay.   
And it was.   
Everything was.   
Everything was fine and Serena Wendy Campbell was trying her damndest to tell herself to believe that. 

And she did briefly.   
She was content and with a woman who loved her and she had a good life.   
Everything was just fine.   
Well it was.   
Until that is when Bernie’s shirt rode up. 

Suddenly Serena’s hand was touching the taut skin of her stomach and she could feel the delicious heat coming from the tight muscles underneath. She felt the ripples she wanted to lave her tongue over, the moans she wanted to elicit. She wanted to slip her hand lower, to wring orgasm after orgasm from Bernie, her skin glistening and her body bowed.She sighed deeply. She wanted her. She wanted her. She wanted Bernie. 

It wasn’t enough.

It wasn’t enough when she knew this wasn’t what she wanted. It wasn’t enough that clearly Bernie was still interested in sex, just not with her. It wasn’t enough when she never got a choice. She felt horrible and unwanted and like she had no choice at all. 

She couldn’t stop the violent sob that suddenly escaped her. 

Bernie started and stared at Serena, panicked. 

“What’s wrong? Serena are you okay? Are you hurt?” 

Serena shook her head and sobbed further. 

Bernie went into action mode and started checking all over her body, looking into her eyes, touching her pulse. 

“It isn’t that!” Serena cried between sobs, pulling her arm away. 

Bernie looked more alarmed, if possible. 

“Honey what is it? Honey we can fix it, whatever it is. Tell me Serena. You’re scaring me” 

“You...you don’t want me!” Serena sobbed. 

She knew she must look a fright, knew she was blubbering and this would not make her more attractive but she didn’t care. She was losing part of Bernie and she couldn’t care about anything else. 

Bernie looked at her like she had three heads. 

“I don’t want you? Darling what are you talking about?” 

Serena was still crying but less violently now. Now she was just starting to feel foolish, feel empty. 

“You don’t want me. You never touch me anymore. You pulled away from my kiss this morning. You don’t want me” Serena said, a slight wobble to her voice but with an edge of defiance. 

Bernie looked at her for what seemed like eternity before squinting. 

“Serena...and I mean this in the kindest way...have you been drinking?” 

Serena looked at her indignantly. 

“Oh no, Berenice you will not make me out to be a crazy person. We haven’t made love in a least a month and you never touch me anymore. I have pretty good evidence for my case” 

Bernie looked at her bewildered before starting to laugh. Deep belly laughs that shook her frame and robbed her of breath. 

“ I fail to see ANY humor in this. If you don’t want me fine. But you will not humiliate me” Serena said angrily, moving to walk away. 

Bernie grabbed her arm and stopped her.

“No, sorry. Sorry. I’m sorry.” She looked apologetically at Serena causing her to stop briefly and let her continue. 

“But Serena you are out of your mind if you think I don’t want you. I want you so badly. I can barely keep my hands to myself most days. My vibrator needed new batteries twice this month!” 

Serena’s stomach unclenched with hope but there was still an issue. “Well if you’ve wanted me...why haven’t we been making love? Why are you constantly using your vibrator (which used to mostly retired thank you very much) instead of sleeping with me?” 

“Oh darling, I thought you needed time. I know menopause can be very trying and I know many women feel sexually different and because you didn’t seem to be initiating anything, I didn’t want to press you. But oh my have I wanted you. Just this Tuesday when you wore that black dress I almost strangled Ric Griffin for having a meeting with you. For looking at you when you looked so sinfully delicious. The way it hugged your body.” Bernie pauses closing her eyes “ I was going to rip out everyone’s eyes on the ward that day. I had to come home and take the edge off. I could barely keep my composure. I went directly to our bedroom and barely touched myself and I came. All because of you. Only ever you.” 

Serena gasps at this and her eyes darken. 

“I..I’m sorry” she said uncertainly. 

“Oh Serena, I’m sorry for assuming. For not asking you. For thinking I knew. But Serena I’m so so in love with you. ” Bernie whispered and kissed her softly. “Please let me show you” 

Serena merely nods and allows herself to be led to their bedroom. 

The lights are soft and the room is mostly dark but there is enough light to see one another. For Serena to see Bernie, this woman she loves, this woman who loves her back. Serena feels overwhelmed with how sweet her partner is. How she constantly puts herself second in pursuit of making others feel better. She has tears in her eyes as Bernie gently lays her on the bed and begins undressing her. 

“ I want to worship you tonight Serena. I want your body to burn with every single kiss so you never ever for one second forget how much you are wanted by me.” 

Serena smiles at her and pulls her in wrapping her arms around her. 

“ I love you Berenice Wolfe. My sweet thoughtful woman” 

Bernie merely grins and begins pulling off her own clothes so they are both undressed. 

As their naked bodies are flush together, Bernie begins her careful devouring. 

She kissed her way up and down Serena’s body, pausing her and there to suckle at her hip, the underside of her breast, her shoulder. 

Serena is moaning and hisses whenever Bernie applies pressure, delights in the gentle hum of pleasure it draws from Bernie. 

Soon Serena is delirious. She wants Bernie so badly. 

“Please Bernie. Please I need you so much my darling. “ 

Bernie closes her eyes and bites her lower lip into her mouth. 

“Oh Serena you saying that has been in so many of my daydreams lately. I can’t wait to take care of you” 

“Well solider I’m ready for you” Serena replies saucily and moans when Bernie slides her hands through her dark curls.

“Serena oh my g-d. You are so wet for me. Baby you are soaking” 

She slips her fingers into the silky heat and begins pumping in and out, rubbing slow circles on her g-spot. 

“You are so beautiful Serena Campbell. You are everything I’ve ever wanted. I love you so much.” 

Bernie whispers this mantra and then flips her hair to one side as she lowers her mouth down onto Serena’s throbbing sex. 

“Bernie!” Serena cries out, her body oversensitive from going without this recently and because Bernie is sucking so perfectly, with just the right pressure that Serena thinks she may pass out.

It doesn’t take long with the careful assault Bernie is employing and soon she coming and coming and Bernie’s voice sounds far away softly saying words like I love you and delicious and so beautiful. 

When she comes back to herself Bernie is laying beside her, stroking soft circles on her stomach.

“Jesus what have you done to me?” Serena asks. “I didn’t worry for one second I wouldn’t be wet enough for you. I think we may have to change the sheets. ” 

Bernie lifts her chin and smirks. 

“I can do that again and again anytime you like. I want to. Forever.” Bernie says and cups Serena’s cheek before leaning in and kissing her. 

Serena slips her tongue in and sucks Bernie’s lip into her mouth before flipping over and straddling her. 

“I think it’s time for me to have my very favorite treat” she says with a feral glint in her eyes. 

Bernie laughs before gasping as one nipple is sucked into Serena’s hot mouth. 

 

When Serena opens her eyes her body feels deliciously sore. She grins slightly remembering the passion of the night before. How Bernie had shown her how very much she still desired her. More than a few times. She grins as she touches the tender flesh mottled with love bites. 

Suddenly she realizes Bernie is staring at her. 

“Good morning my sweet Serena” she says as she softly runs her fingers through Serena’s short locks. 

“ Good morning tiger” Serena replies with a saucy wink. 

Bernie smirks and kisses her softly. 

“Only yours. Whenever you need reminding, you just let me know” 

Serena’s eyes sparkle with mischief and she puts a finger to her chin pretending to ponder, her face scrunched. “Mmm well we both do have to shower. I suppose I could be made to see the light once more” 

Bernie shoots up and is tugging her to the bathroom within seconds. 

Serena lets out a laugh and allows herself to be led. She was a very loved woman indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyways this is my first time writing filth and I’m trying my best folks. Let me know what you thought. Any and all comments are welcome.


End file.
